Cuckold is a fetish for men who get masochistic pleasure in seeing or knowing their partner is having sex with someone else. The female version is called cuckquean.
Why would someone want to be cuckolded?
The intensity of being left out is what stimulates some people. Watching or knowing titillates the cuckold giving sexual stimulation and pleasure.
*Some people feel mental humiliation at having their partner have sex with someone else. The thought is their partner is seeking someone else because they are not good, virile or strong enough. This can feed low self-esteem or be just what the doctor ordered in terms of getting off. There’s a satisfaction in making sure your partner is satisfied even if it’s not with you.
*There are a few psychosexual theories that suggest the drive to reclaim their partner and compete with the lover their partner just had as too intoxicating to ignore.
*Some feel pride in sharing their amazing partner with others and humiliation doesn’t play into it. They are allowing someone to temporarily experience the joy their partner is sexually. The overwhelming joy when their partner choses to return to them also adds to the experience, reinforcing the relationship and the pleasure they get from sharing.
How is Cuckolding Related to BDSM?
Cuckholding/Cuckqueaning falls into the BDSM realm when the cuckhold is submitting to this experience because for their more dominant partner. They are agreeing to yield to their partner’s wishes even at their own discomfort (or especially because of that hurt). The submission and surrender to the partner’s will can’t be denied.
If humiliation is a part of this experience then that’s a direct link to a BDSM activity.
There’s an orgasm denial/delay aspect to being a cuckold. Their sexual pleasure is on hold (or at least not given to them by the partner) while their partner is giving that attention to someone else. Sometimes, chastity play and devices can be involved in these dynamics as well.
Voyeurs or lookers get a great deal of satisfaction watching their partners get off and get someone else off. The pleasure is not gained from participating but witnessing.
Of course, if cuckolding is occurring while in a BDSM relationship the terms are negotiated and guidelines are followed. Though this may not always be the case.
A polyamory is a relationship with more than one partner, but I thought I’d give us the Wikipedia definition so we are all on the same page for the length of this blog post.
“Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, “many, several”, and Latin amor, “love“) is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved. It has been described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy“. People who identify as polyamorous believe in an open relationship with a conscious management of jealousy; they reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed, long-term loving relationships.” ((https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory))
Polyamory’s focus isn’t usually on sex but a desire for love and intimacy with more people. It’s about wanting to see your partner content.
Polyamory vs. BDSM
Many BDSM relationships/novels can have elements of polyamory to it… though not all.
Some polyamorous relationships can have BDSM in it but it doesn’t relate to the polyamory status of the relationship. It’s about multiple partners finding love, but it is not cuckolding or a Master taking on another slave persay.
Polyamory’s focus isn’t about a mental masochism but a relationship with more than one partner. Each receives what they are seeking to be fulfilled.
Jealousy is managed in a polyamorous relationship where in cuckolding it’s (at times) the desire.
Dictionary.com defines cheating as: “to defraud; swindle: to deceive; influence by fraud, to violate rules or regulations.”
Clearly based on this definition polyamory is not cheating. (And no one I’ve ever spoken to in a polyamorous relationship views it as such. There’s too much respect for everyone involved.)
With cuckolding it might be a little murkier because even though no one is being deceived or even violating the rules between the partners involved > it’s the perception of a breach of societal agreements that can tantalize some cuckolds.
I know that there’s some people who feel additional partners equates to cheating. I don’t judge though I simply challenge those folks to consider what’s right for you might not be right for others. Polyamorous people don’t see multiple loving relationships as cheating. I’d even suggest that cuckolding while mirrors “cheating” it is playing by different rules in order to poke at the concept of cheating to excite and satisfy.
Again, it seems to me communication and honesty is key to getting your needs met. Holding your partner(s) to standards you are comfortable with has the greatest potential to help you find happiness.
To me a happily ever after is when each person/character gets exactly what s/he needs.
Always seek your own truth.
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