When people think about BDSM they associate the lifestyle and practice with control, pain, giving something up… and all that can be true. However, I see it as an act of kindness between those involved.
The Dominant is gifting something to the sub that they crave and aren’t able to fulfill themselves. Sometimes, there is a quid pro quo though many times not.
In order to provide what the submissive needs, the Dominant must take time and effort. This can mean anything from a couple of minutes to ensure they are in the right head space or it could take hours of research, practice, and setup to carry out a scene successfully. In my opinion, this is an act of kindness.
Too often we don’t think of the sacrifices the Dominant or Master must make to “earn” the responsibility of the power exchange. We tend to gloss over the work they need to put in to make a scene fulfilling. I see this effort as an act of kindness.
One of the most powerful scenes I’ve ever witnessed was about kindness and care. The Dominant simply lavished love and adoration onto their sub. She was tied naked to a reclining chair. The Dominant massaged, kissed, and licked her while telling her how beautiful and lovely she appeared to all of us.
The sub shook her head and begged to be beaten. Methodically the Dominant worshipped every part of her body. I’d seen this sub could take an incredible amount of pain but this scene was one of the few times I’d ever seen her sob uncontrollably, and by the end of it she drifted on a cloud of subspace I’d not seen her ever enter.
I spoke to her weeks later about the scene and how she’d been so affected. He had been working with her to be kinder to herself. She said her Master gave her everything that had been missing inside so she had been able to find again on her own.
Sometimes it’s easier to focus on the pain and hurt because that’s an old familiar friend. We know what to expect, life has kicked us in the teeth so we find ourselves in a rut of anticipation. Our bodies begin to respond even before the pain floods our system with endorphins.
Of course, you have the kindness of hard play but there is something to be said for the lushness of loving sweetness in soft play that has the ability to help alter the sub’s perception of themselves and the world around them.
Here’s an unedited scene in my work in progress…
(The sub has been abused in every way possible so the Dominant needs to be creative in scenes… the names were changed)
“I missed you, Master.” Paul melted into the strong body pressed against his.
He swallowed back the fear about what that meant, but for now he allowed himself the luxury of being Lei’s… sub.
The greeting ritual began to work its magic, easing him. These moments of transition from one world into a fantasy where only he and Lei existed were precious to him. He was at the start of his time with his Master.
Lei led him to the powder room off the entryway to treat Paul’s hands.
Paul had learned fussing about doing this was useless. It didn’t matter that he’d already scrubbed his hands at work.
His Master checked and adjusted the temperature of the water and, when he was satisfied, he pumped soap into his palm and took Paul’s hands in between his.
The tender gesture made Paul swallow past the lump of emotion in his throat.
“These hands have worked magic. They make broken things work again. We should appreciate them, right?”
Shit! On the surface hand washing didn’t appear to have anything remotely related to BDSM, but the fact Lei demanded they start their time together with self-care somehow pointed Paul down the path to subspace.
“Yes, Master.”
He washed both of their hands with orangey scented soap and rinsed. “Taking the time to do self-care reminds you how important you are.”
Paul learned not to roll his eyes or reject his own importance. In truth, this hand cleaning ritual relaxed him and reconnected them. Granted, the focused attention turned him on, but maybe he did start to feel like he mattered… at least to Lei.
Then Lei squeezed a dollop of blue soap onto an ornately carved nail brush and buffed Paul’s fingertips until they were soapy. Lei rinsed Paul’s hands and then patted them dry.
As if that wasn’t enough, his Master pumped an orange and basil smelling moisturizer into his palm and massaged the cream into Paul’s right hand, then his left.
When he was done he touched his forehead to Paul’s and their breathing started to sync. As usual, all of the loneliness Paul shoved down deep came to the surface and evaporated like water on a hot engine.
Giving someone what they need because they might not be able to give it to themselves is an act of kindness.
I’m well aware giving kindness can be incredibly hard to share. I try every day to do something kind and loving for another whether that is simply a heartfelt compliment, words of encouragement or some assistance accomplishing something. I always say please and thank you and I take the time to mean it. I have found that living this way allows me to be kinder to myself and to have more faith in others.
Be kind. What do you have to lose?
Always seek your own truth.
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To contact Z. Allora:
E-mail: Z.AlloraHappyEndings@gmail.com
FACEBOOK: Z Allora Allora
Website: www.zallorabooks.com
Twitter: @ZAllora
Blog: http://zallora.blogspot.com
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BIO: Z. Allora believes in happily ever afters for everyone. She met her own true love through the personals and has traveled to over thirty countries with him. She’s lived in Singapore, Israel and China. Now back home to the USA she’s an active member of PFLAG and a strong supporter of those on the rainbow in her community. She wants to promote understanding and acceptance through her actions and words. Writing rainbow romance allows her the opportunity to open hearts and change minds.
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