BDSM as a Cure by Z. Allora

beyond the scene bdsm 7

 

Cue the eye roll… Stay with me, Pretty Ones.

BDSM DOESN’T CURE EVERYTHING, BUT IT DOES HAVE BENEFITS THAT CAN PROMOTE HEALING.

(As always, results will vary based on individual differences)

1) BDSM as a break.
There’s no thinking/worrying/obsessing when you hit deep subspace. You’re completely in the moment. At times, it can be an almost meditative state (comparable to yoga).

Top space/subspace—or “the flow” as some refer to it—reduces stress hormones. The mental break can sometimes help you find a solution or new perspective just by focusing on BDSM.

2) Attention
Having someone truly hear and see you is incredible. I’d bet most of us can remember when we didn’t get the attention we craved from a parent, friend, teacher, lover, etc. Not a big deal, right? Sometimes, it can leave scars that even we don’t attend to and it can affect our self-esteem, how we interact with others, how we trust, etc. BDSM steps in and provides attention. Both the sub and the Dom(s) are focused on each other. The rest of the world fades away.

3) Acknowledging the Hurt
I’m going to quote Ani who wrote these words in How BDSM Heals My Childhood Wounds: “When someone hurts me (during a scene), they acknowledge that they are hurting me. They want to hurt me. And they know that I am hurting, because I am moaning or screaming or begging them to stop. And they tell me that they know it hurts. And there is something healing to that, this witnessing of my pain, even as they are causing it. There’s a shared knowledge, a secret covenant, between sadist and masochist: ‘I will hurt you. You will suffer for me. In exchange, I will see your pain and guide you through it. I will help you transcend it.’”

(How BDSM Heals My Childhood Wounds Posted by Ani | Dec 29, 2016 | Kink
Link: http://www.thestoryofa.com/bdsm-heals-childhood-wounds)

Maybe it’s because I’m in edits, but her words remind me of a romance arc: the characters meet, spend time together, go through some trauma/drama, and emerge on the other side stronger for the journey. Reading about a characters overcoming obstacles and triumphing reassures us, gives us hope, helps us think beyond our current issues to a happily ever after.
 
4) BDSM can release endorphins. Endorphins regulate pain, stress, and cravings.

>>> In Secured and Free, Marcus uses a bit of torment to help Orion through his anxiety over even discussing BDSM. One of the ways to get through anxiety is alternate stimulation.

Excerpt from Secured and Free Marcus’s Cock Therapy:

(Orion is shying away from communicating with his Doms because he sees it as topping from the bottom.)

“I consider it more like communication.” Hunt was firm, but Orion shook his head as if he missed the point.

“Sexy one, Hunter’s all that, but he’s not infallible. No Dom is.” Why did Marcus feel like he was telling a kid the Easter Bunny wasn’t real? Marcus slid his finger around the crown of Orion’s cock in compensation for the loss.

“Oh God! Marcus!” Orion’s head hit the back of the sofa.

Marcus spread the wetness from the tip all over Orion’s cock. “God Marcus… that has a ring to it.”

He could be developing the first ever cock therapy. Imagine all the difficult issues people could deal with as he tormented their dicks. Nah, he liked the two dicks he had to tease.


5) BDSM strengthens bonds between couples.

There was a study published a few years ago that suggested BDSM couples “felt more secure in their relationships and had an increased sense of well-being. They were more conscientious toward others, more extroverted, more open to trying new experiences, had decreased anxiety, and were less sensitive to others’ perceptions. Interestingly, they were also more aware of their own sexual needs ….” ((http://sexualhealth.about.com/od/sextherapy/ss/The-Health-Benefits-of-BDSM.htm))

 I do believe the trope of BDSM healing is based in reality (at least in my experience).

In Secured and Free, during a sub meeting, a member explains how the use of a bracelet that can be turned into cuffs is helping her deal with her extreme shyness.

image3


This is a simple bracelet… but for someone with anxiety, it can remind them of the calm they experience when secured with rope as well as grant some of the benefits BDSM has been shown to give.

image2
And if the bracelet isn’t enough of a reminder, they open up into sturdy cuffs.
They come in various colors and designs. I worked with a charming man who custom made these for me. His website is: Leather Wood Studios

This is an excerpt from Secured and Free’s sub meeting. Orion has given up on BDSM. A violation stole the trust he needed to have to do a scene. After meeting Hunter and Marcus, Orion longs to find a way back to BDSM…

Excerpt from Secured and Free:

Circling the room before taking his seat, Zack said, “I’d like to invite Erin to share.”

“Erin’s here?” “Erin’s going to speak?” and variations on the question made its way around the room. Applause broke out when she took the floor.

She grinned. “Yes, Erin is here, and I wanted to share.” Erin, a collared submissive who Orion rarely heard speak above a whisper and who usually hid behind her wealth of red hair, had more confidence than he remembered.

Erin rubbed two fingers across a red leather bracelet decorated with a grouping of three black hearts. “Most of you know about my severe anxiety.”

Her anxiety kept her out of most play parties, sub meetings, and demonstrations because she couldn’t handle the stimulation of a crowd. Seeing her stand and speak to about fifty subs in attendance was nothing short of miraculous.

Throwing her wavy hair over her shoulders, she said, “I don’t think I’ve found a cure for anxiety or anything, but I found assistance.”

Most subs leaned forward.She held out her braceleted wrist. “This is my secret weapon.” Ross squinted. “A bracelet? It’s pretty and all, but—”

“It’s actually cuffs.” She stepped over to Zack. “Would you please?”

 “Of course.” Zack unsnapped the leather, opened the bracelet into two bands of leather, and then resnapped the circles so a loop wrapped around each wrist.

Erin held up her hands, which were now cuffed, and tugged. “Now I know everyone views things differently. Some people see bondage as….”

“Sexy and hot.” “Punishment,” a newbie called out. “Allowing the sub’s beauty to be displayed, and a way of creating living art,” Zack, who was one of the best in Japanese erotic bondage, added.

Erin nodded. “It’s different for everyone. For me, when my Mistress and Master put me in bondage, it’s like a day at the spa.”

Orion blocked out the envy and the wishes of his rope-laden fantasies. He’d heard tales of Hunter’s prowess with suspension work. Oh, the positions—stop!

He refocused on Erin. “As soon as the ropes start to wrap around me, I relax. I trust Mistress Jess and Master Ralph will take care of everything, and I can just be.”

Sam grinned. “So how does the magic bracelet work?”

Erin giggled. “It’s not magic, but wearing it allows me to access a bit of that calm I experience when in bondage. Each morning my Mistress and Master will call me over to them and put the bracelet on me. They both tell me to remember I’m loved and safe.” She shrugged. “I’ve been able to do more and more stuff that my anxiety used to stop me from doing.”

“The bracelet puts you in subspace?” Sam asked.

Orion had gotten tiny tastes of subspace while having Hunter and Marcus sex him up.

“Um… not really… maybe…. It lets me remember that heavenly place and gives me a relaxed feeling. Even though I’m still nervous standing here. Talking to a group was never something I’d have done ever before.”

By the way, I used this bracelet at the Denver GRL. I’m terrified of talking in front of a large group of people, so between the legal pot and the bracelet I was able to sit there and not flee. Erin had more success than I did but I was able to survive it. (Though a number of people asked what was going on because I was twisting the bracelet. I was desperate for it to be tighter and to hurt… no worries, no more panels for me!)

unnamed

Entwined Dreams: Book Two

An abusive Dom robbed Orion Gordon of his love of BDSM, destroying his confidence and leaving him unsure he’ll ever find peace through submission to another. Still, deep inside, his longing continues. 

Marcus Sadir loves Hunter Dixon, yet can’t be the one thing Hunter truly desires: a sub to control. And Hunter can’t find satisfaction in the sadistic aspects of the BDSM lifestyle, while Marcus thrives on inflicting and sharing pain. When Marcus convinces Hunter they should find a third on a permanent basis, they discover Orion might be the key to bridging their differences and joining them on a deeper level. 

But they must help Orion move past his trauma enough for him to enjoy new facets of BDSM and kink again. Their journey toward becoming whole—together—won’t be without challenges. Can Orion trust enough to try again?

BUY LINKS:

ebook:  https://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/books/secured-and-free-by-z-allora-8511-b
paper:  https://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/books/secured-and-free-by-z-allora-8512-b

 

Many people take issue with the idea BDSM can heal. That’s fine… for some people, maybe it can’t assist them, but I’ve used aspects of BDSM in my life and have found it makes me happier and healthier. Did it solve my problems? No, but the practice gave me a break from anxiety, and in some cases the courage and strength to deal with issues in a more productive way. Again, everyone’s different.

Many Hugs,
Z. Allora

Always Seek Your Own Truth

To contact Z. Allora:
E-mail: Z.AlloraHappyEndings@gmail.com
FACEBOOK:   Z Allora Allora
Website: www.zallorabooks.com
Twitter: @ZAllora
Blog: http://zallora.blogspot.com
Dreamspinner: https://bit.ly/2Jv14r1

BIO: Z. Allora believes in happily ever after for everyone. She met her own true love through the personals and has traveled to over thirty countries with him. She’s lived in Singapore, Israel and China. Now back home to the USA she’s an active member of PFLAG and a strong supporter of those on the rainbow in her community. She wants to promote understanding and acceptance through her actions and words. Writing rainbow romance allows her the opportunity to open hearts and change minds.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s